Kicking the Habit…

Hi, my name is Racheal. And I’m addicted to attention….

I might not be a full blown addict, yet. Maybe I’m really just a narcissist at heart, who loves to exist in a world that centers around me. In a relationship, my ears need to hear evidence that I am loved in the same way I give love. As a writer, I feed off the energy that I get from readers when they get the point I worked so hard to make.

I’m more of a functioning addict, so when I get my fix, I can get through my day feeling loved, needed and appreciated. When I don’t get what I need, bad things are likely to happen. Like, I just might verbally assault the squirrel who jumps out on me in traffic. So what do you think happens to a person like me when I experience rejection?

There is something about the word “rejection” that leaves a sour taste in my mouth just saying it. Since its root word is “reject”, which simply means to dismiss as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one’s taste,there is no way to not to take rejection personally.

When a person rejects our work, our ideas or even us personally, they are in essence saying, “you’re not good enough” or “you’re not what I’m looking for”. This stings us to our core because when we show ourselves to people, we become vulnerable, wide open and exposed. And it’s not like that’s an easy thing to do. To strip naked and allow ourselves to be seen, when we give a relationship or a creative effort the best we’ve got and it’s still not enough? Simply sucks.

Rejection becomes enemy #1 to a person like me, because I thrive off of positive attention. I need the shot in the arm almost daily, otherwise the feelings of withdrawal begin to creep up on me. But in the phase of my life when I am beginning to understand that all things work together, I reluctantly accept that rejection is necessary for me to walk closer to the things that are for me.

I am learning to take every “no” as a “not this door Racheal”, knowing that what I am meant to gain is behind another one. Does my heart ache a little each time this happens? Sure. But by enduring the process, and kicking the habit one experience at a time, I’m destined to find a door with my name across it in gold.

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